Pandora's Anxious Adventure

Quick update for the folks who don’t know...ya girl got the official diagnosis for anxiety and ADHD. yay😒 Any-who’s official diagnosis means treatment and right now that looks like a being on medication for me. The meds from the last few months had me POOPED, DRAINED, EXHAUSTED. I’m actively still all these things but that’s from a hell of my own creation. I digress but the point is I hadda have that switched TF up. Now we’ve dropped some ADHD meds into the mix and what was beginning to feel like the right cocktail had become a full on scam. I’m typing this at my desk with better focus but feeling like a space head. I’m filling out of it. Well not feeling high functioning in the people them office. Just well wanna lay down and space out. But we can’t do that yet. I don’t like this shit. Nope. Not a fan. Rather be out of focus and feeling on 100 than that this. Fix it sweet Jesus. This is the second time I’ve had this day mix of meds and the second time I’ve felt like th

I don't know about y'all but I know too many September babies. It went from maybe 2 people a few years ago to like at least 5 possible in-person commitments. But birthdays weren't the only things to celebrate in September. Trap Karaoke finally made it to South Florida. When I tell you seeing that Ft. Lauderdale stop after I missed the Miami stop was such a blessing. I have never been to a blacker, more energetic, fun-filled, actively positive vibes, event in my life. And I grew up in Jamaica. From the line in I could tell it was about to be a good night. So here's the thing, I ain't really been 'out' at an event in a hot while especially after two separate and emotionally draining anxiety attacks in public, working events on the side don't count. Also, a new job and bedtime hours mean I don't do much but go to work, stay home and maybe see one and two folks here and there. So I was a lil bit anxious about going to an event such as Trap Karaoke.

Something I've found myself doing more often as of late, especially after starting therapy, is randomly singing and dancing. Long ago in a more emotionally naive, but happier world, I spent my days making up dances and songs, singing along to EVERYTHING and dancing all the time. Even in my early driving days, my favorite time of day was being in my car, music on blast, dancing and driving to wherever I needed to be. And then slowly it stopped. Like one day something switched off and the random dancing felt forced, singing out loud was something to be hidden and I car dance parties became few and far between. I won't say I wasn't dancing and singing, but it felt like it wasn't happening as much. I went from having a walking jukebox in my mind every day, to silence. The constant stream of music I used to let out randomly, wasn't playing anymore. That's the thing about depression, it creeps up on you sometimes. You don't see it initially, but when you

Making a return to this page and blog space after a deep dive off the anxiety and depression high board. I’m switching up some tactics on this page. Gonna be a lot more true to self and basically document how I handle an overwhelming feeling of anxiety while trying to get to some semblance of where I want to be in life. I’m still gonna talk about all the things I said I would, I even have some events lined up to attend. Definitely changing names again cause I’ve finally found my brand. One I doubt is gonna change for a while. So here we are, off again on this blogging adventure. Enjoy these pictures of when I was doing things. I remember the weekend at the museum. The other one doesn’t even rig a bell as tho what my plans were. That one time I went to a Science Museum Me going somewhere....no clue where though. Will I edit this post, I don’t know. Was this written while I was trying to make it through an extremely long and exhausting work day, you bet your fish it was.

I am in love with the idea of love. I am infatuated with the concept of romance. I am fixated on the heart. With a never-ending supply of sources, I continuously fuel this part of my world. From the music, I listen to and the playlists I curate I fixate on the ephemeral concept of my first love. The boundless collection of romance novels littering my room, Kindle, and many wish lists forms a momentary dream of what I want from a relationship. And the visual media I tend to consume is concentrated only in a romantic universe, where everything has a happy ending. Surprisingly, I'm thoroughly realistic about love and romance in real life. Simply because of the relentless disappointments that have been thrown at me throughout life. From a lackluster dating life to uninspired interactions with the opposite gender, I've quite frankly chosen to step back from romance, personally. I still gobble up every little piece of the romance experience I can vicariously through music, media

So, hey. I know, this isn't consistent. I would say I'm working on that but that would be a lie. This is why we have the whole Instagram thing. You follow and interact there and here. So where one is slacking the other catches. "But Pandora, you don't post regularly on there." HA, a bald-faced lie. Ya girl just saw THE Queen of the Dancehall, Spice at the Bayfest concert held at the beautiful Biscayne Bay campus of FIU ' GO PANTHERS, RAW' and lost my whole entire voice. What a Queen, what a performance. You know who else was there, Harmonik. For all the Kompa fans in the building. My homies from Ayiti were KILLING it on the dancefloor. Showing the good folks how to Kompa and have fun. Guess who else was being a baller, Harmonik's guitarist. Good sir was catching that good good Kompa whine AND playing the guitar. ' Yes, you read that right.' I was out there attempting my lil' 1, 2 Kompa steps. That whole set was such fun man, a WHOLE

So I have this story highlight section on my Instagram called "Musical Thoughts".   Sidebar the little title section didn't have enough space to put the word thoughts so I used the emoji thought bubble convey the idea I digress, but basically, it is a highlight section where I post ALLL of the music I am appreciating, or want to appreciate. I share musicians, bands and artists I want my friends to know about. So I figured why not, make a corresponding section on my blog where I can talk more about the one thing I've had a burning passion for. So without further rambling, I present the first Musical Thoughts blog post on featured artist NAO. Back Story NAO is a British soul singer. I first heard about NAO in one of my deep dives through the popular British music scene. Usually, I do that by listening to BBC Radio 1 and Radio 1Xtra and supplement it with the BBC Sound Of...List. NAO was featured on the BBC Sound Of 2016 list and from my first listen of her s

I am fiercely and powerfully overwhelmed by life right now. Everything seems to be sitting on me and it is getting to be rather draining. So instead of complaining about it, I am going to make a list of ways that I try and relieve some of that pressure. 1. Praying and Reading the Bible   This one is a little more specific to me and my spiritual background. In the past, I have found most of the times I have been at true peace and calm, have been the times I am my closest to the Lord and my spirituality. Lately, I've drifted away and I really want to to use this year to get back to that place of peace and understanding.  2. Write   I have never considered myself a writer. Writing is a release for me. When my thoughts get too bottled up, my feelings have gotten a little too hard to handle and I'm not comfortable sharing it with the world around me; I write. I have notebooks for days with random stories, that are partly fiction wrapped up in my hopes and dreams. Stolen mom

There are currently two drafts sitting on my dashboard to be written. One of those drafts feels wild and all over the place, the other one I made myself cry because of how mean I was to myself. When I hear people describe me as a nice or positive person, it feels slightly fraudulent. I begin to think that I'm not that nice of a person, I say incredibly hurtful things with growing frequency and I say the most hateful and hurtful things to myself. It's like I am constantly looking in a mirror and my own reflection is bullying me. So many photos sitting on my phone. They never see the light of day. It's a shame. As I am writing this I'm trying to find a picture to pair with this post and a playlist to pair with it. And a majority of my thoughts are critical, mean and downright nasty. To be quite honest, I am on the verge of tears and ready to quit writing. It's really hard to find a moment in my life I am truly proud of that I have not somehow tainted w

I talk. A LOT. I have a lot of thoughts, an abundance of opinions and a never-ending supply of words readyyy to be released at any given moment. My "I should respond but I can't think of something of worth to add to this conversation" face What I do not do is share these thoughts, opinions or words regularly. I also despise sharing them in the digital landscape we live in. And I particularly LOATHE having to share my thoughts, opinions, and words with people during a conversation via the digital landscape. This is all just a fancy-ass way of saying talking to people via text, DMs, or online messaging forums gives me dreadful and ghastly anxiety. There I said it, messaging people triggers the FUCK out of my anxiety. I'll be big chilling and having to respond back to someone's message will have me fall into a never-ending spiral of attempting to get my point across in a clear and somewhat concise way. Here is a sample of times I have had my anxiety sp

I have to plan out my Valentine's Day or risk getting super in my feelings. Like I get into a rather depressive yet reflective vibe for a few days, especially in the days leading up to Valentine's Day. So whatever plans I made, have to live up to expectations or that'll dampen my mood for a good week. Then it's just an extended few days after of sad music. Not gonna lie, this day has been an excessively angsty one for me personally, as someone who is perpetually single and tends to be surrounded by many folks in multiple different stages of a relationship each year. I start to fixate on a lot of the things that I view as unfulfilled personal goals of my childhood, the lack of a substantial romantic relationship being the focal point for this particular period of angst. But now that I'm older and wiser though ya girl is high-key not so fixated on being companionless and surrounded by relationships. It helps that I've always had spectacular friends that get

I don't know what took my soul today but let me tell y'all about a young Average Gyal and her youth. Forewarning, today's post is brought to by my Indie playlist I made like 3 minutes ago. So a little backstory on this trip down memory lane, I went out tonight to a Caribbean event and the DJs KILLED it with their skills. I don't know why but it was trip down memory lane with all the riddims and ting. Anyways, I leave and almost immediately as I get in my car I knew I didn't want to play dancehall, reggae or soca like I would normally on a night like this. So my playlist reading the car plays the best song it could have EVER played... Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap. It was like the Lord knew what he wanted me to hear and this was it. So my drive home was just a radio station based on this song and one based on the artists. Most fun I had on the drive back home in a while. A baby Danielle, not even 2 years living in the States tbh. Look at the fresh face n

I read a lot. Like I was swallowing books whole as a child and then I went and got a Kindle and it was game over from there. On average I've been known to read about 2-5 books a week depending on the time of my life. The problem is that I only read a specific type of book. Romance Novels. Mills & Boon. Porn for Women. Yadda Ya and so forth. Let's be real I've been mocked, ridiculed and made fun for this by friends and family alike. Judged by classmates and honestly, I've judged myself as well. Becoming by Michelle Obama American Gods and Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman So I'm going on a journey to read more books from different genres. Now, I'm not gonna sit here and say I'll not stick to finding books with a lil' bit of romance in them, but I am opening up the horizons. So more biographies, poetry books, non-fiction, books about things and books about nothing, maybe a little history here and there. I'm going to stick to the things I