Pandora's Anxious Adventure

  Hi Hi, how we been y'all? So I been meaning to update y'all on my reading adventures for YEARS now. Heck, the first post on this blog was a list of books I wanted to read. Sidebar: I definitely never got around to reading ANY of those books.  However, ya girl kinda fell by the wayside in more recent years when it comes to reading. Life, adulthood, work, school, and much much more simply got in the way. But slowly but surely I am making my way back to my first love and hobby. Now I'm still not at my high school reading level ( How in the sweet Jesus was I reading 5-10 books a week? ) Now I have a bad habit these days of going into either a physical bookstore or my Kindle bookstore and browsing the books. Then I have an even worse habit of buying like 5 books at a time and not reading a single one. You should have seen my nightstand last year before I got these bookshelves. But I am rambling, as usual. So without much fanfare here is what I'm currently reading. A Duke,

 Oops been a lil ghosty in these streets. Must think I'm Casper the friendly ghost or whatever. But I'm back with another installation of "What We Reading".Still in my webcomic phase of life, so I'm coming in with another favourite platform calledTappyToon. Notsure how I found them, but I know that they have some great comics and it had to have been an advertisement for one of them, and here we are a whole quarantine later.  TappyToon It is worth noting that this app comes with paywalls. You only get a limited amount of free episodes for every chapter. Just a lil toops of a taste of what the story is about. And if the story hooks you in you have to pay using the in-app currency for the rest of the chapters. They also offer the option of buying multiple chapters at once. So if the story is completed, you can grab it all at once and binge the story in one night. (I do that a lot, I have a problem and my sleep and body hate it). But if the story ain't finished yo

I am, have been and will always be of the mindset, that everything a person does or says has consequences. This is simply how I was raised. And with my life-long anxiety being a thing, ya girl has a tendency to latch on to things and form minor obsessions on these things. Sometimes this is from trauma bonding, sometimes it ain't. But that's a more of a conversation to develop upon with my therapist. What I am here to talk about is how a lot of folks in this day and age, can and will get they feelings hurt and be embarrassed by me and the public not living by the belief that they shit can and will always come back to bite them. So because I've latched on to these beliefs in life I have had the wonderful experience of having my long-dormant and better-managed anger resurface over the past few years, especially in a post-2016 election world. I done had my consequences catch up to me, with regards to my anger before, so now I'm much more cognizant of the words I speak.

Lemme tell y'all, folks, something. I am a future hot gyal. Right now I am in training. I started my hot gyal training slightly late, but don't discount me.  Musically I am a true hot gyal. An older one, who got bad knees, but a hot gyal none the less. The current issue is that my training is currently in a suspended space because of the 'Rona. But lemme tell y'all 2020 was gonna be my year. I was gonna be traveling more, my fitness journey would have been more situated and I was looking the part. It's a couple bits and pieces that would be forever missing cause honestly, me nuh have too much patience for tomfoolery and shenanigans. But I was working my way towards being a true hot gyal by the end of 2020. Unfortunately, a slight global pandemic has put a full halt to those plans. So for now, ya girl is a musically based hot gyal, and here are some playlists for y'all.

Having watched this most recent installment/episode of Red Table Talk and seeing how my social spaces have been interacting with all the information regarding the situation. I had a few core thoughts to get off my chest: What Jada did with August is fucked. Make no mistake. A part of me wanted to call it predatory but then I sat and thought about all the relationships I've seen and talk folks through the years, this shit ain't new. I’ve seen friends do this in their own interpersonal relationships. They’ll believe they are open to getting to know new people after ending things either amicably or even after a volatile ending, either one. But they never fully deal with the healing process of ending the previous relationship, not professionally. And in the process meet folks, they’ll be interested but not that interested. Enjoy their company but in the back of their mind wait for a new opportunity with the previous person. And issa a lot of folks (man, woman and bby non-binaries)

Hahahahaha, it’s been a minute. The world is catching up to what most black folks already knew and we’re still HIGH KEY dealing with a world pandemic but also pretending everything is fine. Basically, the world is dealing with its shit the way I deal with my shit. Avoidance. But we not here to talk about the world. We here to talk about me and how I’m coping. And my response to that is....I’m not. I am not dealing well. I actually had to up my dosage on my anti-depressants and most definitely had a full-blown anxiety attack the week before I went back to working in an office. And if I’m being honest. I’m tired. But the bright side is I’m not worn out. I feel like there is a lil light somewhere in this. I won’t call it the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is a light I needed. So the positives, happy things are happening in the lives of some of my close friends. I have been able to spend some time with friends recently. I’m back to having a separated home and workspace. P

Let us take a moment to remember all the quarantine snacks that barely made it to quarantine.  And we're back Why y'all ain't tell me being on ADHD meds will have you eating like a bird. I can barely clear a plate, let alone buss it down properly on major holidays. I only cleared one plate this Christmas and I am HURT. Look I get that ya girl shouldn't be vacuuming down food like I'm Kirby or some shit, but can I not feel spectacular off about eating. I've gone from a decent appetite to literally a non-existent appetite. And while this is great for the gut getting skinny, I don't particularly think it's the healthiest approach. Do not get me wrong, I love that I have slightly more control over the amount of food I intake but I don't think to go almost24 hours on snacks and cereal is great for becoming a Grade-A snack. Probably being slightly over-stressed about work over the past few months and more recently being stuck at home with th

Happy Sunday my lil' anxious peeps. How we all doing? Been a minute since I let y'all know what I've been reading. Figured I catch y'all up a lil. Lately, I've been a bit of an unfocused funk. It's been hard to hop up into a book and finish it. So it's been a lot of books on my To Be Read list, a list that just keeps growing. But I have been able to clear a bunch of comics. So I'm just gonna share some of my favourites that I have read, been reading, need to catch up on, or want to read. Plus it's I have them spread across platforms. So let's hop into it. Let's start it off with my OG comic platform WEBTOON by Line. They have so many options. Initially, it was more of a platform for your creatives but lately, they've been creating original comics and alongside the uploads. They pull from that discover pool sometimes and offer a great platform for upcoming comic artists and storytellers. So without delay here are some of my com

I mean this with my whole heart, y’all get the quarantine period to be sad and upset about the Democratic Presidential Race. You also have this time to start researching who’s gonna be on the ballots in your state in the next few months. From local to state to national. You get this time to research any upcoming bills and things. See what kinda job the public officials in your city and state have been doing. And search for reputable candidates you think can replace them. I REFUSE, REFUSE to deal with a blogger four years of folks trying to raise the price of my existence. I’m gonna take my time cause Florida got til August before the next batch of elections. Sometimes change takes time. I know it’s coming, but we gotta stop throwing pity parties for months on end when things don’t go our way. Please. I’m not a political activist, I’m not trying to work in politics either. I ain’t want that stress. I’m just a regular degular anxious ass human woman. I just want to know that fu

I been needing and feeling to do a lot things lately. But that pesky lil self-worth bit been sitting heavy beside my anxiety. Which if you’ve been watching the news or active on social media is on 10000x♾ I. Am. Overwhelmed. This year since the middle of March, if it ain’t been one thing, it’s the another. My ability to even fully get a grasp on what’s going on is just shattered at this point. I feel blocked off from my emotions and myself. All I am is like a tense string, on the last thread, waiting to be broken. And it feels like everything I do to pull myself away from the edge only works for short bursts. It is exhausting. My sleep all messed up, my spirit is heavy, my soul feels as if it’s falling into despair. It just feels like all my inner turmoil from the year before done spilt on over into the world. And while I understand for change to happen, you gotta hit the bottom, to restructure and redesign the system, I’m also tired. Even as I type this out, the words ac

A long time ago, deep in the early stages of my life’s narrative I was... ...A Dancer... cue the dramatics. I know, I know. We can’t believe it, hell I can’t believe sometimes too. But I was. I was on my prep school’s dance team and even kept up with the occasional dance class over the years. But in high school, that all kind of stopped. I have no real idea why but by junior year I wasn’t pushing to go to dance class as much. Maybe it was my focus on getting the heck out of dodge, my dreams of international travel and luxury, maybe I kept getting lost in many a story. Or probably it was untreated depression. Who knows, whatever it was I slowed my roll on the dancing front. I went to college, I existed, I graduated and here I am. Yet years later, sometimes I sit back and think, what I would’ve been if I kept up with dancing. Would I be like my friends I see online, flexible and energetic. Creative and free, showcasing the feelings and thoughts I keep buried under layers of plati

Yup, you read that title right. It's a little late but lemme tell y'all about the night I saw the astounding and remarkable, international vocal superstar and one only Jamaican superstar Celine Dion. Again, you read it correctly, cause I said what I said. What a night, a simply magical night. And to be honest it was a great ass day too. We celebrated my friend's birthday got nice and tipsy. I drove NOWHERE. And I ended the night singing along with the magical Celine. I was on the side of the stage but I must say, I missed not one bit. There were LED screens facing the seats on the side, and if I was feeling boasty, I could walk down the stair and literally have been next to the stage. Now I am writing this a few months after I went so I'll be skipping a lot of details, bare with me, please. Okay, so now we done waited for everyone to come in. The cameraman and DJ were on a roll capturing the intense excitement of the night. Folks were living their best lives d

Sorry, this one's a little bit late, but HAPPY NEW YEAR. Let's call it a dub and start the decade next year.

As I have mentioned an ungodly number of times on this blog, I am a walking ball of anxiety. And it affects so many parts of my life, especially because I've gone so long without actively working to fix it (2 decades basically). One of the aspects of my life that got hit the hardest was my relationship with God. I've always been apart of the church. I was a churchgoer and an active participant within the church for basically my entire life. And then I stopped. I let life and moving away from home for college affect my relationship with God. And in doing so I eventually developed intense anxiety surrounding going to church and sometimes even being around other Christians. This honestly has to be a joke because I live with a Jamaican grown, born-again Christian woman for a mother. Imagine going through a crisis of faith for years and a mom who cannot understand how you went from a regular and active churchgoer to barely having gone to church in years. Shit goes from peacefu