Post Watch Thoughts: Red Table Talk - Jada Brings Herself To The Table
- What Jada did with August is fucked. Make no mistake. A part of me wanted to call it predatory but then I sat and thought about all the relationships I've seen and talk folks through the years, this shit ain't new. I’ve seen friends do this in their own interpersonal relationships. They’ll believe they are open to getting to know new people after ending things either amicably or even after a volatile ending, either one. But they never fully deal with the healing process of ending the previous relationship, not professionally. And in the process meet folks, they’ll be interested but not that interested. Enjoy their company but in the back of their mind wait for a new opportunity with the previous person. And issa a lot of folks (man, woman and bby non-binaries) who move like this. Building relationships with others while knowing they are still committed to or hung up on their previous one. And when the door for that previous relationship is re-opened they usually drop the other person faster than they’d drop a boiling hot pot. I’ve see it happen. It’s a shitty thing to do and it’s folks out here that gotta do the work on themselves to see the toxicity in that action.
- This has just been another friendly reminder to take folks or their relationships up on off those pedestals you got them on. They are human and flawed. Whether it be the person, that person’s interpersonal relationships, their spiritual relationship. Take them off that pedestal. No matter how small of a pedestal it may be, take them up off it. I’ve had a much easier time of letting folks be and exist as they are simply by removing the pedestals I placed them on. Humans are not perfect and what you may think is a perfect relationship is more often a perfect for them relationships. Not a perfect for others relationship.
- While it was not just Jada that was a mentor and helping figure in August’s life, she was a savior figure. Sometimes vulnerable people confuse the care and support others have for them with romantic notions. As some who is helping a more vulnerable person, your job is to steer them away from that line of thinking. Not to give into the pressure to make them and yourself feel better. That temporary glow of happiness is not permanent and will definitely have lasting effects on your relationship with each other and probably how you see each other. Case in point this entire situation with Jada and August.
- While having a personal support system is important, do not neglect getting professional help. Especially if you have the resources. No one person is capable of saving a fucking soul on this planet. You are not the Lord God Almighty. And while you may be able to physically save someone from being in harms way, harming others or even harming themselves. You do not have the capabilities needed to heal any mental or emotional trauma wounds. That work is for them and them alone. We can provide support or the tools needed to heal, whether that be professionally or as a friend. But you cannot heal them. And you won’t be of much use to someone if you aren’t doing the necessary work you need to be doing to heal ALL parts of yourself. The good, the bad and even the ugly.
You can always become the villain/antagonist in someone else’s story. While you are the hero and main character in your own story, you may be playing another role in someone else’s story. And that role may not always be a positive one. There comes a point in life where we all realize that we are each the star of our own story. But somehow we haven’t taken the idea that we might play a role in another’s story, whether it be a positive, neutral or negative role. And the only person who could tell us that is God. We have to consider this fact in life, sometimes we may not always be a positive character in an outside story, no matter how hard we try to be.
- Do not diminish the role you play or played in major arcs of your life and the lives of others. Do not diminish the effect it may have had on other parties involved unsaid experience. I love the Smiths to all hell, I grew up Will on the Fresh Prince. I done seen him a Jada through some fun and entertaining films and TV shows. So I truly love them. But whew Jesus they way they downplayed August’s version just does not sit right with me. They clearly said it’s been years since they all talked. But you have to realize, that based on how it ended for August, it wasn’t a wholly positive experience for him. Especially after he was able to begin doing the work he needs to do on himself. So while I’m happy Jada and Will worked themselves out, they, especially Jada should be mindful of how they talk about this chapter of the intertwined lives. It is not fair to diminish and somewhat negate the emotional consequences and toll it took on August. And while it will suck pure ass to see yourself as the villain in someone’s chapter of life, you gotta but on your big people britches and swallow that pill. Cause it wasn’t just one person in that relationship, and it ain’t affect just one person at the end of the day. This goes for everyone in life, not just Jada and Will.
- There are no perfect relationships. Just perfect for YOU. What Jada and Will got going is for them. Your relationship and it’s struggles will be unique to you and your partner. Do not assume that because so and so worked out so will you. Baby love, that’s a good way to get ya lil feelings hurt. “But AnxiousPartyGrrl, this ain’t the first time it’s happened, it happened before and this was the outcome.” Okay and continue to play play ‘round with the people dem children and see if dem nuh claat up yuh ass or turn around and run a better game on you. Don’t go moving recklessly and think it’ll work out all the time. Cause that one time might be the permanent end to your relationship. And me done talk. Just cause the Smiths worked it out and have made the journey to peace. It don’t mean that’s the path your relationship will take. It’ll do well to move with sense in your relationship.
- Not all struggles in love involve “disloyalty” or “stepping out”. A lot of relationships will go through the trial and struggles. Honestly all of them will. But for the LOVE OF GOD STOP USING THE STRUGGLES OF RELATIONSHIPS AS A SCAPEGOAT OR AN EXCUSE YOUR INABILITY TO BE LOYAL TO SOMEONE OR STAY FAITHFUL. Like a bag of you mistake the lack trust or loyalty in relationships as something we must all deal with and I’m bigly ready to tell you that is not the case. Personally, if anyone cheated on me and then come looking in my face talking bout “oh XYZ celebrity was cheated on” I’m maiming them on site. Do not think to open yuh mouth and run that fuck with me. Cause I ain’t ABC or XYZ and it ain’t no guarantee in this world that says you’d come out this unharmed. And since we’re talking about Will and Jada, their struggles while it does happen to some couples, it nuh happen always happen when them married. More time this occurs early in the relationship prior to marriage. Gentle people, please remember you are not a celebrity or bloodclaat star like that.(No I’m not, I’ll probably rant about this specific topic again in life.) Not all relationships will separate, not all relationships will involve infidelity or a lack of trust. Sometimes your struggle might come in the form of wanting to start a family and being unable, having your family unit or extended family experience a deep and life changing loss, having to navigate handling addictions, and so forth and so on. Nobody is immune from struggles, but I can promise you it won’t be infidelity or separation for all. And if those actions are a dealbreaker for you, do not let society con you into thinking you are overreacting. You don’t have to take them back. Yuh can tell them a me seh so.
- While talking it out is healing, not everybody needs to know everything. The whole world don’t gotta know what’s going on with you. They don’t gotta know what happened, how it happened, when it happened or who it happened with. They truly don’t. There are somethings we share to prevent the experience from happening to others, but we don’t have to share it all. And while it is cathartic to share everything and anything with people, not everyone involved will have your best interests at heart. This is a personal lesson for me. Cause I done felt it in my spirit a few times to share news and the bloops it all falls apart, or I’m left feeling like a fool. And while this may not be the case for August, I do know the feeling of sharing information and wishing I could take it back. Maybe that feeling won’t be immediate but she always comes, especially for me, who deals with anxiety. I’m definitely not saying keep it all to yourself but sometimes it’s best to keep the circle that gets that information relatively small.
- August wasn't underaged in this situation. He was of age and fully capable of making his own decisions. Was he emotionally compromised, yes, but that doesn't make him a victim and it doesn't make Jada predatory. This entire situation based on the words both parties used sounded a lot like two emotionally hurt and traumatized people coming together, with red shades on. They both ignored the possible red flags in this situation. August failed to consider that while Jada might love and care for him, that love is not always the romantic in nature. Jada failed to realize that because of all the things that August had been through he might end up placing her on a pedestal. To make a sticky situation worse, Jada and Will going through their relationship woes at the exact same time, most likely meant that Jada was more than willing to place herself in a position to attempt to fix someone since her relationship was currently in a that she could not immediately fix. There is some healing that both parties need to do. Jada needs to realize that she cannot fix someone, especially someone she entered into a romantic relationship (or entanglement) with and that using this as a measure for her happiness is a sure-fire way to create problematic relationship trends. August on the other end needs to know that no one person belongs on a pedestal, no one person is going to be able to fix the
That’s honestly all from me. Be wise in remembering its only one you in this world, be careful how you maneuver in it. We’re all bound to make mistakes but remember to take accountability for them and to heal from them. And as my parents always say everything has a consequence, could be positive or could be negative. They also tell me what’s done in the dark will always come to the light so, don’t move dunce and think you’ll be fine. Peace and Blessings Y’all.
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